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birthday [11.24.07 (Saturday) 12:16pm]
Hi peeps
I'm 21 today. woop de doo! I'm working later - oh the fun! got some nice prezzys, a new pink phone, a family photo album of my life, ugg boots, jewellery, a gorgeous canvas print of a dove flying from nina, a tee shirt, money etc.

Haven't got much more to say except that i feel pretty old!
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emo post [9.14.07 (Friday) 11:39pm]
[ mood | numb ]

i hate my life so much right now.

i cant even be bothered to write about all the shit that has gone on over the last couple of days.

i just dont know how things got so bad so quickly.

im so grateful for mark tho, hes been my rock <3
proper update soon when im feeling more stable.

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under pressure [9.11.07 (Tuesday) 12:19pm]
Well my life has been less than great over the last couple of weeks.

Firstly the thing about the tree happened which I posted in my last entry which shook me a bit. Then I was apparently called judgemental and had a secret kept from me by somebody close to me.(according to my gay friend who has a tendency to exagerrate - so who knows how true this is although he is insistent the person said I am judgemental and was never going to tell me the secret) and this hurt me a lot. Then my car broke and cost me £180. Then my Mum got ill (and still is) and got taken to hospital, causing Mark and I to have a stupid argument and me to re-evaluate our relationship (things are ok but sometimes I need space and although he needs space and I give him it, me needing space is a concept he hasn't quite grasped yet. Perhaps because I was too needy in the past, but still, I'm not now.) Then loads of other shit has happened that I can't be bothered to mention and it's not directly to do with me although I'm involved. However it's probably not that important and worth mentioning, but suffice to say it has got me down. Then money issues that are just ridiculously spiralling out of control. It's like some massive hole and I can't do anything about any of it cuz it's all out of my control.

I'm just so fed up. I really am. It's not like I can really talk to anyone either, cuz the people I'm closest to are the people who are involved.
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wow...an update, and a depressing one at that. [8.29.07 (Wednesday) 12:32am]
[ mood | crushed ]

well i havent updated this in ages, but i felt i needed to write down this as it is significant to me and upsetting.

it seems such a stupid thing to be so upset about, but we sprinkled my Grandmas ashes under a willow tree in the crematorium a couple of years ago when she died. She loved willow trees and so it was a really special spot for her ashes to be sprinkled. It also was a marker for us (family) to show where she had been sprinkled, so that when we wanted to go there to put flowers down and stuff (which i do every 2 or 3 months) we could know excatly where her ashes had been. Now i know she herself is not there or whatever, but it was a significant spot for me where I could go and just spend a few minutes remembering her.

I went up there today and the willow tree had been cut down completely. God this sounds so stupid. but it really upset me as that is why we sprinkled the ashes there, because she loved willow trees. And now its gone, the place is meaningless, and there is nowhere i can go to feel close to my grandma anymore apart from my memories, but thats not a physical place.


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drunkkkkkkk [5.25.07 (Friday) 1:05am]

i am drunk drunk

DRUINK as a skunk meawahahahahha

hi by the way hahahahaahha hehheehe

damn yu nina cuz u hae a bbq when i came in from work and i needed to get adruink and there was lots of naufgty food and alocol and i ate and drank lots so u encoraged me and i 2ill feel sick in the mornining haha but i love youuuuu u r such a good brsy mate even if ur in bed when i m wide awake haha <3

byeeeeeeeeeee people

ooo i just herd a noisee like a duck ot goose outsides by bredoom window eeekkkk
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[4.20.07 (Friday) 4:57pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

I'm currently sat here with 'watermelon red' hair dye in that pausedsilence helped me choose the other day. Eek I hope it turns out ok! If not I'll blame you pausedsilence!

I went to my first stitch and bitch meeting the other day with opal_fruits, curiositykate, pausedsilence and lipstick_letter. it was really fun, and nice to meet some of my lj friends properly in RL! I think we all are really different, and it will be interesting to see where our friendships go in the future, cuz they are a really nice bunch of girlies! I enjoyed the 'bitch' side, especially about men haha, but I'm still trying to get the hang of the 'stitch' side! Although i am really enjoying learning how to knit when i get the time! Mark thinks its funny, although he actually knows how to knit himself, his nan taught him as a child hehe! geek. 8-)

Had quite a good day so far, apart from our lecture on dissertations this morning, arghhhhhhh it's so scary! Me and my uni friends went to frankie and bennies for lunch and i totally pigged out. And although opal_fruits thinks its expensive, it was only £7.45 for 3 courses, and £6.25 for two. And it really was worth it because the food was lush! And tonight we are going to the cinema to see fracture, which i dont know much about.

right im off to wash this stuff off my scalp before it burnnnnnns!

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haircut [4.10.07 (Tuesday) 3:50pm]
yay I'm having my hair cut in a mo! I think I'm goin to keep my fringe and have it layered cuz im so sick of it! if [Bad username: opal fruits] lets me borrow her cam ill take some pics n post them :D

And when i get my loan through I'm going to get a tattoo of angel wings on my lower back :D excitinggg.

no more exciting news in emily world im afraid!
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helllllllo [4.02.07 (Monday) 3:34pm]
So opal_fruits writing an entry has inspired me to finally update my journal too! And change the layout!

So not much exciting has been happening in the world of me. I'm completely broke at the moment, which really REALLY sucks. i never realised how crap having absolutely no money is. I'm constantly driving my car around with petrol under a quarter of a tank hoping it doesnt run out of petrol! It's not like ive been irresponsible with my money this month either, if work hadnt fucked up my pay for this month and given me my overtime i would have been ok. I've been window cleaning with mark and hes lent me some money too but its all going in my car! It's so embarrasing as well having no money. Like tonight mark is paying for me to come out with his mates for an indian (which he always offers to do anyway but i like to contribute even a bit) and last night nina invited me out and had to lend me money which was very sweet of her as shes a poor student too. GRR i hate that money has to rule your life so much. /rant.

Since i finished watching series 5 of 24 i was a bit lost so raided my hosuemates dvd collection and discovered curb your enthusiasm. This is pure genius!!! It's just so funny and silly! It's so completely different to anything else I have seen. Also Mark loves it, and its so hard to find a program we both love.

I'm really excited cuz me, opal_fruits, pausedsilence, and curiositykate are going to start a stitch and bitch in wellingborough! Although i dont know how to knit yet, nina is going to teach me. So if any of you guys want to join us you're more than welcome!

In other news, my parents got accepted for fostering, and are going to be fostering children around summertime, which is great news for them. It will be interesting to see how they cope with this new challenge!
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geeky post [3.02.07 (Friday) 1:19pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

i love having days off! well technically i should be doing some uni work but psshhhh whatever! Watching 24 is so much more appealing! Although, I did clean the house this morning so i haven't been completely lazy.

It's a really sunny day outside as well so it makes me feel good! It's funny how the weather can sometimes affect my mood, like when it's miserable i feel miserable. this morning there was this really cute cat outside in our garden and i gave him some milk haha! He's called Blue as well which is such a sweet name.

Hehe nina thinks im sad, but tonight she'd going to boz's and im going to steal her computer and play desperate housewives and im really looking forward to it!

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do itttt!!!!!! [2.26.07 (Monday) 12:08pm]
Create your own Friend Test here
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beat you nina :P [1.21.07 (Sunday) 6:29pm]
You know the Bible 88%!

Wow! You are awesome! You are a true Biblical scholar, not just a hearer but a personal reader! The books, the characters, the events, the verses - you know it all! You are fantastic!

Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes

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[1.13.07 (Saturday) 10:01am]
[ mood | shit ]

im so frustrated right now.

it's the weekend and my car that i bought about 2 WEEKS ago has decided to break. its been in the garage since thursday, and i havent been home (which is now my house in northampton with nina) properly since monday. Not only that, I'm on school placement and still working as well, and i am ill. although im feeling better after some rest. I just need my car back, and the people at the garage are seeming to take forever. It's so irritating, ive been living out of a carrier bag of scrunched up clothes all week and im sick of it.

i dont have time for myself anymore, ive been getting up at 6.30am/7am every day this week, going into school to teach, getting away at 5pm and then either working at 6pm-10pm or doing school related work. it's just so shit. i think that's why im feeling so rough. i mean, yes i love teaching the kids, but its so draining, and on top of everything else ive been living in my house for 2 weeks and i havent properly been there. i feel like nina's getting fed-up with me cuz i just dont have the time to discuss house stuff let alone see her socially, i cant even get over to northampton at the mo, or when people offer me lifts its been inconvenient cuz of needing to come to kettering the next day and im just really fed up. i havent even spent proper quality time with mark since forever, cuz when ive been round this week i HAVE to do my placement work and them im too zonked to talk and just fall asleep. ARGH im just so annoyed. why does everything have to happen at once? my car breaking, me living miles from where my placement is and getting sick.


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[11.24.06 (Friday) 12:25pm]
it's my birthday YAY im 20!
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[11.03.06 (Friday) 11:34pm]
[ mood | sad ]

Frankly, I've had a SHIT week.

On Wednesday i heard that one of my friends who i work with was killed in a car crash. She was a lovely person who helped me through some difficult times. She was due to be married next year and had just quit smoking. She was really turning her life around for the better and was getting her spark and happiness back. Her wedding dress was ready to be picked up the day she died. Her fiance survived, and he only lost his son 3 months ago. It wasnt their fault, a van went into the back of them and spun them into an oncoming lorry. It's just so unfair and im finding it very difficult to come to terms with. I can't stop crying when im on my own, I feel tearful at work and it is really getting me down.

All i can say is, Jane - you were a star, and i will miss you.

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[10.30.06 (Monday) 12:49pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

I had such a good weekend, after i thought it was gonna be crap! Saturday was spent in the morning starting off my assignment :( but then the rest of the day playing sims university :D

Sunday Mark and I went to Birmingham and went shopping :D mostly in primark! Then we took an easy journey home and went out for an indian with his Dad which was really funny and cool.

I am just trying to get this sodding assignment finished, i mean its due in on thurs, but its so rubbish! im halfway through. i just want it to stop hanging over my head so i can actually enjoy going out with opal_fruits tonight and some of her uni mates. I dont really feel much in a party mood either though, lectures at 9am tomoro -__- im really not lovin uni right now.

must go and sort this assignment out!

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[10.16.06 (Monday) 7:11pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Had such a busy weekend! Had to help various people out with various different things as a visiting choir and band came to our church from another church this weekend and Marks parents were having two of the kids stay overnight, so I said I'd help out with meals and stuff. It was actually really cool though, as I knew one of the kids anyway.

It was so nice to have the day off today though, I went over to opal_fruits last night, most of which we spent putting the world to rights about church, religion and men! We then fell asleep watching a programme about 100 greatest albums, and missed number 1 :( but i had such a lush sleep, i still felt tired though! Then we went into Olney (this lil village) and we went to this lush gift shop where opal_fruits works, and i got a lush present for half price for my sisters birthday, and then we swung by the deli and got some yummy treats!

I was supposed to come back n do loads of my uni work, but im so tired and i really cant be arsed!

By the way, has anyone else tried them Reese's peanut butter cups? Or the nutrageous bar? They are SO delicious.

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This never happened before - Paul McCartney [8.23.06 (Wednesday) 6:07pm]
I'm very sure, this never happened to me before
I met you and now I'm sure
This never happened before

Now I see, this is the way it's supposed to be
I met you and now I see
This is the way it should be

This is the way it should be, for lovers
They shouldn't go it alone
It's not so good when your on your own

So come to me, now we can be what we want to be
I love you and now I see
This is the way it should be
This is the way it should be

This is the way it should be, for lovers
They shouldn't go it alone
It's not so good when your on your own

I'm very sure, this never happened to me before
I met you and now I'm sure
This never happened before (This never happened before)
This never happened before (This never happened before)
This never happened before (This never happened before)
This never happened before
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[7.24.06 (Monday) 4:59pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

So i tried to watch lost in translation but got bored after 15 minutes and put on meet the fockers. heehee! shows my level of mentality :P plus

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So i tried to watch lost in translation but got bored after 15 minutes and put on meet the fockers. heehee! shows my level of mentality :P plus <lj-user="opal_fruits"> came over and she'd seen it before and didn't find it that amusing so never mind. i might give it another go some other time, as <lj-user="pausedsilence"> reccomends it.

so this morning got up about 10am, messed about for a bit and then me and sam (sister) decided to go swimming. it was good and refreshing, but what spoilt it was these silly little boys who kept asking us out and to show our boobs to them. they were about 12 and i got so sick of it, i told them to fuck off and sam told them to talk to us when their balls had dropped. heehee.

ugh ive got to go to work soon and its too fecking hot!!!
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[7.10.06 (Monday) 4:31pm]
feeling very tired and achey today after my 12 hour shift in the kitchen at work yesterday. it was sooo busy and all the patients kept asking for cups of tea and stuff all the bloody time! they were very irritating. and i also locked myself out of the hospital whilst finding the mop and had to be buzzed back in by a puzzled nurse. however, i just cant wait to get paid, but its all going on my car insurance/MOT. life sucks sometimes!

relationhip wise at the moment everything seems good, i just wish i had more time for my friends and family, i seem to be working so much at the mo. me and mark have had a wicked couple of weeks, it reminds me of how we were at the beginning, cuz i think what happened in london helped us put some stuff behind us, and everything is looking up! going out to this dinner thing hes arranged tonight, and im really looking forward to it. im so proud of his success with this group, i think it's a much needed boost to his self-esteem.

anyway best be off to get ready!
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[7.01.06 (Saturday) 1:03pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

I've been meaning to update for agews but just havn't got round to it yet so I'll do an update now!

Good news first: i passed my first year at uni so im chuffed about that.

Life's a bit shit at the moment to be honest, all this week has been crap. I thought I'd enjoy having nothing to do but I'm so...fed up. At the weekend mark and I went to london to stay with his sister, and it was fun, but I ended up getting seriously plastered and being really nasty to mark and rachel. of course i apologised and stuff but i think i really fucked things up with mark this time. i stormed off in the middle of london at night, swore at him, and revealed some of his shit to his sister. oops. dont think i'll be drinking for some time then. Luckily he forgave me and stuff, but he *understandably* has wanted not to see me this week, particularly as we also had an argument on thursday - i was meant to be seeing him after work today but tbh i dont think he'll want to, so im just giving him space, which i think will do us both good as we've got loads of shit to sort out. the crap thing is though, nina's away, gemma's away and cuz i haven't seen mark i've had pretty much fuck all socilaisation this week, and im so sick of these four walls and work. (i've been doing overtime.)

ughhhhh. life is just poo at the mo. im hoping this thing with mark will sort itself out in time, but i really miss him a lot and keep on going over and over all the shit i put him through this week. i just wish i had someone to talk to. i keep missing nina's calls cuz of work and i was asleep last night when she rang, plus i dont wsant to burden her with my shit cuz she's probably having a good time n she doesnt need me to ruin it.

Anyway, tomorrow till friday im going to look after this ladies house while shes away cuz shes got 4 cats, and i dont think shes got the net there so i may not be on much. perhaps it'll do me good to get away on my own, sort my head out. im just scared because i feel really lonely at the moment, and if this stuff with mark isnt sorted i will just feel so lonely and shit.

anyway im off to clean skanky operating theatres now - fun fun fucking fun.

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